One of many hardest instances in my life was after my school commencement. With no job leads, I felt unsure about my profession alternative, I used to be leaving all of my mates to maneuver dwelling with my mother and father, and I had by no means had a boyfriend, a lot much less a “ring by spring” as I had hoped.
I felt alone and afraid of the unknown. I needed somebody to align my plans with, somebody to assist me make choices, somebody who I knew liked me. I needed to have a satisfying job and an thrilling social life, however as a substitute, I felt trapped in a darkish season.
This wasn’t the one time in my life that I had felt this manner. After I was eight years outdated, my mother went again to work, and my brother and I went to daycare. I had the identical lump in my throat and pit in my abdomen then, once I headed into a brand new place with new individuals, feeling not sure of the place I slot in and who would even discover me. Trying again, my darkest seasons of life have all had one factor in widespread: I didn’t really feel seen.
Not solely did I’ve the impression that I used to be invisible to others, I additionally felt I wasn’t seen by God. It’s exhausting to be very productive or useful or optimistic once you assume you’re residing outdoors of God’s sights. I don’t love individuals — or myself — properly once I’m in that place. And loving God can rapidly change into an act.
After I was graduating from school with all of that uncertainty, I didn’t share my fears with anybody. I labored exhausting to look good on the skin, as a result of I believed that admitting the darkness I felt would imply I didn’t have any religion. I used to be indignant at God, and I informed him that commonly. Worshiping Him turned an empty routine of merely going by way of the motions.
Feeling Invisible
In the event you’re the little one of divorce, otherwise you suffered abuse of any type, or even when your loving mother and father are additionally sinners (I consider that covers the whole thing of us), you may need a proclivity to feeling invisible to God and appearing accordingly — out of despair and the ugliest ache. When the individuals round us don’t actually see us or know us or look after us, we begin to consider that God doesn’t both.
My feeling that God didn’t see me in all probability originated in my childhood. My dad labored and traveled quite a bit, and though my mother was very attentive and current, she was a perfectionist and wanted management to really feel at peace. So I realized to behave, get good grades, and by no means get into bother, so I wouldn’t rock the boat. My habits was valued, however my coronary heart felt unknown. In the event you don’t rock the boat for lengthy sufficient, you begin to marvel if anybody even notices you’re within the boat.
It doesn’t take one thing profoundly traumatic to occur to a toddler (though generally it does) to make that little one marvel if God actually sees. My experiences taught me to carry out with a view to go unnoticed, however that left me feeling invisible. That is the lie I believed: I really feel totally alone, so God should not see me.
Simply because the lies we consider are rooted in our previous wounds, they’re additionally rooted in sin.
Adam and Eve had been in excellent fellowship with God till they sinned. Then instantly, they had been hiding in disgrace, believing that God didn’t see them (Genesis 3:8). Disobedience, satisfaction, apathy, idolatry — these sins have stood the take a look at of time and have left many people cowering alone, hiding from God.
The patterns I realized early on of performing and in search of perfection as a substitute of attending to my coronary heart now play out in sinning in opposition to God by idolizing management and harboring satisfaction. I really feel like I can go it alone if I examine off all my duties and hold every part inside my perceived management. However the consequence of this sin in my life — the sin of pondering I can do it by myself — is believing that I actually am doing it by myself, and that God doesn’t see me or isn’t concerned. This end result isn’t stunning, as a result of sin at all times separates us from God.
The One Who Sees
Hagar encountered God at a spring after operating away from her mistress, Sarai. Hagar had been by way of quite a bit, particularly being impregnated by her grasp, Abram, at his spouse, Sarai’s request. I can think about Hagar feeling invisible to God after getting used, getting pregnant, struggling abuse from her mistress, and operating away from her job and residential.
However the Lord met her. He promised her good issues, informed her in regards to the boy (who can be an amazing nation) rising inside her, and instructed her in what to do subsequent. Hagar was the primary to name God El Roi, the God who sees.
So she referred to as the title of the Lord who spoke to her, ‘You’re a God of seeing,’ for she mentioned, ‘Actually right here I’ve seen him who takes care of me’ (Genesis 16:13).
That’s the great thing about this type of seeing. We see God, as a result of he first sees us.
In His Sights
Not lengthy after I graduated, I used to be driving on a darkish, stormy evening in central Texas. The rain was coming down in sheets, and I used to be driving again to my condominium with my windshield wipers on turbo velocity. They couldn’t wipe away my tears, although. I used to be crying for a life I had anticipated that hadn’t occurred. I used to be lonely, and a thought hit me: If I careened off the highway on this storm, it could be days earlier than anybody missed me. Nobody would discover I used to be gone till Monday, once I didn’t present as much as work.
That realization led me to ask, “God, do You even see me? Do You care? Do You like me?”
Fortunately, in Jesus, the reply to all of these questions was, and is, a powerful “Sure!” Due to Jesus, God sees me and He loves me. Due to Jesus, my sin doesn’t separate me from God and His love. Due to Jesus, I’m by no means invisible, even once I really feel like I’m.
Within the weeks that adopted that evening, I continued to ask God if He noticed me. I requested Him usually. Slowly, He started to open my eyes to the methods He was caring for me. I finished feeling invisible and started thanking God for my loving mates, a rare job that jogged my memory of his redemption and energy day by day, and even the way in which He allowed me to nurture my soul by way of common, lengthy runs within the heat solar.
Embracing Braveness
After Hagar encountered God, she realized that He noticed her, and that gave her the braveness to belief and obey Him. She returned to Abram and Sarai, and Ishmael was born. God promised nice blessings for Hagar and Abram’s son in Genesis 17:20,
“As for Ishmael, I’ve heard you; behold, I’ve blessed him and can make him fruitful and multiply him tremendously. He shall father twelve princes, and I’ll make him into an amazing nation.”
As a result of Hagar had the braveness to maneuver ahead and face regardless of the future held, her son and his descendants had been blessed.
Being seen by God, and in flip seeing Him, takes the main focus off of our personal circumstances and places it on Him. Understanding we’re not outdoors of His sights provides us braveness.
By no means Alone
After I was going by way of the darkish season I discussed, I labored for a corporation that cared for at-risk youth by offering shelter, meals and training. Additionally they provided a secure place for these damage children to grapple with their pasts and study God’s sovereignty and goodness. One Sunday, I took a younger lady from there to talk to a church and thank them for donations.
She had her talking factors outlined, however proper earlier than we stood in entrance of a room stuffed with strangers, the younger lady determined she needed to sing as a substitute. I don’t know if she felt a jolt of the Holy Spirit, or if she simply had a music in her coronary heart. I’m unsure if she had embraced the truth that God noticed her, however I do know that He was therapeutic and restoring her, giving her hope.
So she sang a music, a cappella, in entrance of a room of strangers. Now that’s braveness. And her confidence and boldness impressed many in that room, together with me.
My darkish time did finally move; I started to maneuver ahead with braveness. I felt seen by God and as soon as once more acknowledged His presence in my on a regular basis life, which gave me the arrogance to observe Him into extra unknowns.
In obedience and prayer, I ended up leaving my superb job and transferring to a brand new place. However this time, I used to be comforted that God was sufficient. He was Somebody who knew me and liked me, and I wasn’t invisible. I used to be seen.
Copyright 2016 Kirsten Lamb. All rights reserved.
